My Mother's New Nickname is Monica

The Holidays in my family are not generally as painful as most people's. When I say "my family" I'm generally referring to my mom's side of the family as my dad's side resides in the Middle East and I don't seem them very often, if at all.

Christmas Eve proved to be quite the drama-filled evening in my family this year. Maybe I shouldn't say it was an entire evening, but it sure felt that way...

My dad quit smoking cigarettes two years ago in September. But from time to time, he'll smoke a cigar and he took a few with him to my aunt and uncle's house on Christmas Eve. I guess my uncle gave him a hard time about it and he ended up throwing them in the garbage, I think.

For some reason, they all started arguing about it and told him to smoke the cigar if he wanted to... it was a special occasion and a great time to enjoy one.

Out of the blue my grandma said, "Give it to Debbie (my mother) and she can put it in her vagina." This was followed by at least 3 seconds of dead silence, after which I replied, "Gross!" and everyone else started breathing again.

My mom walked away and spent the rest of the night in the living room. Grandma said, "What? It's not like I said anything that hasn't been on the national news." I tried to pretend it never happened, and I have no idea what was going through everyone else's minds.

Now, keep in mind, Grandma hasn't lost her marbles or anything, I just think she's going for shock value to get attention in her old age.

Needless to say, the rest of the night was less than comfortable and my mother is sooo not happy with Grandma.