I'm Going To Miss My Papa

We lost my grandpa yesterday. He passed away at approximately 2:00 PM on July 28, 2011.

We knew things were looking sketchy at best yesterday afternoon and decided to call the family to be there with him. My grandma had been sitting in his room with him for a while and came out to the waiting area for a little breather and a drink. We were all sitting around the table right outside his door having a good laugh and my mom had a strange feeling, walked into his room and found that he had finally let go. I'm surprised it happened that quickly though because while I was holding his hand earlier, I noticed how strongly I could feel his pulse in his wrist. That man had a very strong and loving heart. (That's not the greatest pic, but it's the only one I can find quickly.)

I said I had a feeling he was going to wait until we'd all left him alone. He did this on his terms. He didn't want to die in front of any of us. He could hear that we were all together, laughing and enjoying each others' company and decided he was finally ready to let go. He was surrounded by his family the last two weeks and knows how much we all love him and each other and decided he felt comfortable leaving us to take care of each other.

I'm going to miss him so incredibly much, but I'm so comforted by the fact that he's no longer fighting that god damn disease. He's finally at peace. I'm thankful he was able to recover enough and live this long after the initial diagnosis 6 years ago, but he fought everyday to live his life. I imagine after fighting that long, you'd get tired of it, but he never complained, once. He deserves some peace now.

We're going to have a celebration of his life on August 7th in the evening at the Old Mill Golf Club if anyone is interesting in coming. I'm sure I'll be back with more about my Papa in the next week or so. And thanks for all the kind words from all my bloggy friends. It means so much to me!

Random Shit Cuz The Ambien Just Kicked In and I Don't Have the Energy to Say Anything Witty

My mom told me a story once... wait, she tells me the story every time we put the leaf in the dining room table. She had a neighbor who was putting the leaf in her own table and somehow managed to smash her nipple in the middle when she pushed the sides together.... OW!


This is what Fergie looks like after she's gone out to patrol the yard after a snow storm. Fuckin' woof!

That is all.

You may get sucked off. But don't count on it...

Have I mentioned how incredibly sexy he is? Oh, I have? Well, I'm saying it again. So there. Only 22 more days!!!!!! I can't wait!!!!!

Ambien Blogging... Not the Same As The Ambien Cock

In the famous words of Karen (from Will & Grace): It's time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air.

The whole time I've spent getting ready for bed (aka 10 minutes) I've been thinking about what to write on this bloggity little post and I was thinking it in a British accent. I'm good like that.
I washed my face, took out my contacts and I'm currently sitting here with my Proactiv facial mask drying on my face. I figure Alabama, with its 90% humidity, is as good a place as any to apply a facial mask that will subsequently slurp all of the savory moisture from my succulent skin. I'm also sitting here typing this topless. (You know I'm on Ambien because otherwise, I wouldn't have shared that!) You liked that, didn't you?

I really don't want to go into the office tomorrow. If I have to stay for 10+ hours again, I might lose it. No lie.Also, traveling with a vibrator is something everyone who travels alone should do. If there's no chance of bringing a hot babe back to your room for a shag, you've got Senor Vibrato to come home to. Just make sure you take the batteries out before packing it for fear it would somehow get turned on (Ha! Get it?) going through security. To save yourself the trouble, always pack it in your checked luggage.

Kind of like a gun and bullets... never pack a loaded gun and always keep the bullets in a separate area. Locked up, preferably.

I should have set the time I put the mask on... I don't know how long it's been since it started sucking all the moisture out of my face.

Ok, I really have nothing to say... gonna wash my face and go to bed.

Ms. Salti Loves You Long Time!

Random Tuesdayness - Just Took an Ambien, Got in the Hot Tub, Got Out of the Hot Tub Shortly Thereafter, and Now I'm Blogging

Oh yeah, and I'm eating a Kit Kat because some chocolate sounded good right about now. And typing Kit Kat made me think of that song, Tik Tok, or whatever the hell it is. I have to make a confession here and I'm sooo not proud of it. I like that song. Not the lyrics, or the chick who sings it, or the majority of what it entails, but I love the chorus. And I hate that I love it because, as a friend of mine once wrote (and I'm paraphrasing here), "You might get herpes just by listening to it." Yes, the chick is that skanky. What am I to do? If you wanna play the on crazy train, go talk to Keely.

I think I'm funnier when I blog on Ambien. Don't you? It's a hell of a lot more exciting for me! That is not to say I don't enjoy blogging when I'm totally awake, but you get what I mean.

This leads me to wonder... how many bloggers out there consume some sort of mind-altering substance before starting on the blogging journey for the night, or day... We've got lots of things to choose from: My personal favorite, Ambien before bed; a nice glass of wine, or shut-the-hell up, whichever you prefer; a cigarette containing some wacky tobacky; and a slew of any of a number of other items... these are just the ones I'm most familiar with. That's not to say I partake of them, I'm just familiar, that's all.

This is my little brother, Zak... some of you may know him. Anyway, I think he was either 2 or 3 in that picture and dressed up in my dad's cultural garb. Wasn't he cute? I wonder what the hell happened to him!

Did I mention any time in the past week that I'm going to be getting a new tattoo?! Well, I am. On the inside of my right ankle... a flower of some sort. Possibly a cross between a lotus and a hibiscus, which Noelle named, a Lobiscus. She's looking to get a Plubiscus which for those of you who haven't quite caught on to this, is a plumeria mixed with a hibiscus. I'm nervous but excited. I can't wait to get something with some color in it. The pic above is a bad one, but you get the gist of what I have now.

My mom just sent me a text to ask how everyone in Birmingham is doing. I said I didn't know because I'm in Montgomery. Ha! Speaking of Montgomery, I'm so done with this hotel. You have no idea. My room wasn't completely clean when I got into it. The cleaning lady didn't leave any soap, shampoo, conditioner, etc. She didn't leave an extra roll of toilet paper. She left a used bar of soap in the shower and she left the last guest's food (which thank God it was packaged) in the fridge. I am lobbying to change hotels for next week's stay. I'm over it.

This is about all I got tonight. I need to get to bed, and that takes some prep time... taking out the contacts, washing all the makeup off, brushing the teeth, applying lotion, applying eye cream, finding the glasses, etc.

So I'm signing off, my loves. I hope this was entertaining for y'all. My 500th post will be up on Wednesday... what kind of giveaway (that I can afford since I have no sponsors) would you like to see?

P.S. If you didn't read the update to my blog from Monday morning, go back and read it. I added a little addendum to the top of it. Let me know what you think...

Yes Is A 3-Syllable Word (see: Yeayus)

I'm sitting here in my hotel room drinking my sweet tea trying to upload the vlog I just made. And the damn thing says it's going to take 2 hours. Um, I'd like to go to bed at a reasonable hour considering I have to get up early... so no vlog for you. It wasn't very cool anyway. You're not missing anything.We went to dinner tonight at Jim 'n Nick's Bar-B-Q and it was reeeeally good. Our server was a doll (her name is Joy) and offered me my sweet tea in a to-go cup when we left. I also brought some corn muffins back with me. Let me tell you, these are some damn good corn muffins. Now I didn't say what I had was necessarily healthy, but it was good!

You know what really blows? Having to pack all my shit up tonight in order to check out of the hotel on our way to the office in the morning. Why can't we just not work on Fridays and pack in the morning? That would make my life a hell of a lot more easy. The other thing that totallyt blows is that I bought a set of books the other night and am not sure how to get them back in my suitcase. I'm sure they'll fit, just not inside their little case. Oh shvell.On our way to find a restaurant that tickled our fancy, I spotted a place called "Tenda Chick"... no I'm not lying... I have the photographic proof! There are some really funny names of places down here... and naturally, I can't think of any of them right now. I just took an Ambien and I think it was one of the stronger ones (they're the generic kind) and it hit me really hard. That means this is gonna get good!

Came across a few accent-related funnies this week:
~I was taking notes in our meeting and typed "key" drive ... was supposed to type "Q" drive
~The name Paige Clark is pronounced Pai-age Clork
~On top of the accents, the Alabamers tend to run all their words together
~On the way out of the meeting today I said, "Thanks, you guys!" They turned around and said, "Don't you mean y'all?"
So I'm telling y'all this right now. Don't make fun of me/laugh at me/be mean to me when I start speaking like I'm from Alabamer.
Anyway, I was in the mood to share, so here's the pictures of my colon. Isn't it all nice and clean!? It should GD better be considering the evacuation process I had to endure coming from both ends. Hypothetically, how could a girl who had nothing to eat all effing day (not by choice) and had nothing in her stomach throw up? Ok, I know I was allowed to have fluid, but seriously, that shouldn't make me puke! But there it is, in all it's clean, shining glory!Here are what my toes look like this week. I was lucky and got into my Sweet Tori on Friday for a toe redo. I've got "The Grape Lakes" color on and some fabu rhinestones, too. Auri's look really cute, too. Or at least they did after I did them. By the way, she has H1N1 (the Swine) and is finally starting on the up-swing. I haven't seen her for over 2 weeks because she got sick while I was home last week and I couldn't see her. And I think she thinks I hate her. Only I don't, I just don't wanna get sick!

I can't remember if I already showed you this, but I think not. This is my new kitchen table, the style of chair I ordered and the bench. Isn't it all so cute!? Jill hooked me up on the price too! She's awesome! I should have taken a pic of the blinds I bought and the stuff for Zak's bathroom! Oh well. I'm all over it this weekend!

Okee dokee... The Ambien has taken over and I need to get in bed. I'm going home Friday evening and my fantabulous friend Wikiball is picking me up from the airport. Then guess what? I get to work from home all next week because it's time to close on the house! Then we get to move in! Woo hoo. Maybe you'll get a vlog from the new house?! And if I'm lucky, I'm going to take a few days off!

I'll try to blog some more tomorrow and maybe add something funny!

Vlogging from Alabama!

Don't forget to read the post below that accompanies this vlog!

Seriously, it originally took me like 6 hours to try and upload this damn vlog and then I finally went over to Vimeo, so I hope you REALLY enjoy it!

It's Lynn, Not Leanne... and I'm Not Becoming A Storm Chaser

So, y'all know I've been working in Alabama for the last week or so. This is my second week here, but I've been traveling back and forth. Let me tell ya, it's a long trip.
Yesterday we had a meeting that was a continuation of one from the week before. We were determining the individuals who needed to be invited to our upcoming sessions and I was recording all the names. The room we were in was really big which made it difficult to hear everyone. Along with the fact that I couldn't hear very well, I was trying to decipher names through the thick Alabama accents. I had to keep asking everyone to spell the names for me... I think they think I'm special. Toward the end of the meeting someone yelled out a particular name and I wrote it down as Leanne. About five minutes later someone pointed out that I had spelled the name incorrectly... It should have been Lynn, not Leanne. See pronunciation: Le-inn. We all started cracking up and they informed me that everyone in the South adds an extra syllable to everything. I'm telling y'all, I'm coming home with an accent!

I dropped a coworker off at the airport today and had to drive to and from through some torrential downpours. It seems to torrentially downpour a lot down here. As I'm driving back the Emergency Broadcast System came over the radio to issue a tornado warning for blah-de-blah county. I started to panic a little because I have no idea what county I'm in.The warning on the radio continued on and said, "In the event of a tornado, the safest place to be is in a basement... if you can't get to a basement, get to the most central point of a building... if you're in your car, evacuate immediately and get into a building... if there are no buildings around, evacuate your car and lie in a ditch." Apparently the ditch thing is common knowledge (Auri & Noelle both knew about this... I had no clue.)

So I had visions of me pulling off the side of the freeway, running frantically through a field and finding a ditch to lie down in while waiting for the possible tornado to pass.

That is, because, I didn't know if I was in any danger at all. I figured everyone else was still in their cars driving down the road, so I should be ok.I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I'm extremely terrified of high winds. And the thought of experiencing a tornado or a hurricane scares the absolute hell out of me.

So yeah... If you're driving through Montgomery and see some weird woman lying in a ditch and rocking in the fetal position, that's probably me ... and I probably need your help.

I'm sure I'll be back with more Alabama news tomorrow. Is there anything y'all want to know about this neck of the woods? Let me know!

This is why hurricanes are bad... they're started by evil little vengeful butterflies...

Are Those Meat Hooks?

After brunch on Sunday Noelle, Rose & Odum decided to accompany me to Ashley Furniture to look at kitchen tables. Not only did I find a couple of viable options, we also found some furniture for the family room. The only problem is if I buy it and they come over, they'll never leave.I have to say, this couch was extremely comfortable... so comfortable, in fact, the three of them lounged on it for at least 15 minutes. I lasted about 5, and then went on to look at other things. This is actually six different pieces put together. Each piece is like $198 and you can buy as many as you want and arrange them to your liking. On top of being comfortable and cheap, it's neutral and can easily go in the family room. I'm totally considering it.I want one of these twirly chairs... who wouldn't?! It's big, comfy, spins around in circles, and while it's a functional piece, it can also provide hours of entertainment! Noelle got dizzy and nauseous, so she'll be banned from it, but the rest of y'all can play on it!

The Queen of Shiba, himself. Seriously. He said this was going to be his new profile picture on Facebook. If he changes it, let me know. I think he's more of a diva than all the divas combined!

After Ashley, we decided to check out another place that is going out of business. It's called Civilizzation and I'm not sure if it's local or nationwide. None of us had ever been there but have seen their ads all over town and figured it was the kind of furniture I'd like. Our first clue should have been when we pulled up ... there was a dude in a chicken suit with half the face missing and loosely safety-pinned together.We went inside and there were a couple of art pieces on the wall. They were both large gray canvases and had either ginormous black plastic bugs crawling up them, or black plastic army dudes rappelling off of them. WHAT THE FUCK? For some stupid reason, we ventured further into the building, then Odum asked, "What are those tracks in the ceiling for?" I tried not to think about it because as the building was becoming more creepy, as was the furniture and the maze through which we were coerced to see the entire showroom (or mini showrooms as they were).

We seriously had to follow a maze of furniture and random deco crap through the whole place. There was really weird stuff all up in the ceiling in addition to the metal tracks running through the building. After we'd been in there approximately 1.5 minutes, we wanted the hell out. Sadly, we had to find our way out first! As we passed through the office and got close to the front door we saw a bunch of fabric samples... they were speared onto meat hooks like the one above and hanging from some of the tracks in the ceiling. WTF!?

It took us all a while to chill the fuck out after the store...it was uber creepy. Afterwards, Odum and I ran over to my grandparents' house to give my grandma her shot. We were discussing with them about the store we'd just been to and how creepy and weird it was and how we thought it was a slaughterhouse. So Grandpa asked where the store was and blurts out, "Oh yeah, that's the old so-and-so meat butchering plant." Gross! That explains everything... but doesn't make me feel any less weirded out.

Random Tuesdayness - The One Where I'm In Alabama

Hey, guess what? It's Tuesday, and I'm gonna slap you upside the head with some random. Better yet, I'm gonna do it and make you like it, too. If you don't know how this works by now, you're either 1) New, and will be forgiven, or 2) An imbecile and will be forced to pay the consequences. In either case, go grab Keely's widget and play with the rest of us. Kanye West is mas grande la douche. Translation: He's a gigantic douche bag. Did anyone see him on the MTV Video Awards? Seriously, a douche. And what the fuck was up with Lady Gaga's outfits. She scares me. And her performance was a little over the top, and not in a good way. Blood and swinging from a rope... not cool. I do want to point out how sweet and humble Beyonce was that she gave Taylor her time to make the rest of her acceptance speech. While in Alabama last week, my team was walking along the sidewalk outside the Capital Building (going from one State office to the other) and I saw this little guy inching along the fence. At first I had no idea what it was... just thought it was a brush bristle moving... then I realized it was a fuzzy caterpillar. Isn't he cute. Odum suggested bringing one home in my purse... not sure that will go over well. I'm watching Conan right now and he's doing a session with a stunt man. The stunt man just did a round-house kicky thingy and kicked Conan in the chest. It was hilarious. Now they've got him in a fire suit and going to have him jump through a burning window. This is great. I don't even like Conan.
I just had a ham and cheese hot pocket for dinner (and it's 11:00 PM here). Apparently I'm not Muslim today. Ask Auri about that.

Watch for my review of the glasses I got from Living Rooms Direct. It will be up sometime this week.

Go watch this, it's hilarious....

Seriously, is there anything better than having your tushie massaged? I don't think so. I need to use up my pre-paid massages and cancel my membership. I don't really want to, but I have to because of the whole I'm-buying-a-house-and-now-I-have-a-mortgage thing.
BTW, I took an Ambien, so this could get interesting...as if it hasn't already.

Did anyone happen to see the new extended New Moon trailer on MTV last night? I think I squealed a bit when it was over... then I watched it again. OMG, I can't wait! Here it is... a gift for my loves...

Um, yeah. Now Craig is on. That means it's really late and I should go to bed... but I don't care. I've been cooped up in airport terminals all day and I don't give a flying fuck! Ha!

BTW, all the crazy cartoons are from http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/ It's a hilarious site with lots of random cartoons on it. I love them if you didn't catch that above!

So, I don't know if you guys can handle anymore after this, so I'll bring you another story about meat hooks and a slaughterhouse tomorrow. Also stay tuned for a True Blood Finale post and talk of Entourage. Coming soon....!

Random Tuesdayness - The Mainly Vampire Edition and a Pin Up Girl

Okay, okay, okay. I realize it's 11:23 PM on Tuesday night and you still haven't seen an official RTT post from me yet today, but I promise I'll deliver the goods. This is officially the latest I've ever completed a Random Tuesday Thoughts post but I've been busy all day. I'm a slacker. I'm sorry. If I entertain you with pasties and a thong, will you forgive me?

If you want to play RTT, go check out Keely's blog at The Un Mom and she'll tell you what to do.

Hmmm... let's see. I didn't even really prepare anything for this today. Obviously, since I'm posting so late.

As a result, let's chat about this hot scene from Sunday night's episode of True Blood. OMG, Holy Mother of God, I needed a new pair of panties after watching it. And it wasn't even a scene involving hot sex. It was just two absolutely beautiful naked bodies lying in bed and making out. H.O.T. Can I say it again? Whew. Let's just say I'll be rewatching that scene multiple times in the next few days. I wonder if I offer HBO shitloads of money if they'll let me recreate the scene with Eric and let me play Sookie.

I have multipe small cuts on my hands/fingers and I have no idea where they came from.

Back to True Blood. I'd like everyone to be fully aware of what a complete sap I am. I bawled my eyes out at the end of the episode. I don't think I've cried during a TB episode before. Maybe shed a tear or two, but never bawled. Well, I bawled on Sunday. Yeah, it was that good. Go watch it. Now. Oh, and I think Godric is hot. Even if he is young.

Plus, Eric is fucking beautiful in it and you'll thank me for it later.

The dog started making some weird-ass noises about five minutes ago and scared the shit out of me. It sounded like something was seriously wrong. I think she was just dreaming.

I'm watching Craig Ferguson and I just took an Ambien... this could get interesting.

By the way, make sure you go check out Auri's blog for the first of our Toy Review Posts. All of the toy reviews will be posted over on her blog because she's got an "Adult Content" warning on it... and I don't... and I don't want to go through the trouble of adding one. She talks about her favorite clitoral stimulator and gives a play by play of her favorite features. I talk about the fact that I don't particularly like that one... I'll be reviewing my favorite next week.
Allan Hyde is the actor that played Godric in True Blood... I can't find much about him on the fly. Eric's real name is Alexander Skarsgard and is from Sweden. He's going to be in the new TV Guide, so watch for him. He's hot. Did I mention that I'm in love with him. I want to do him. I want to lick his arms. If anyone can hook me up, let me know. I may be having an epiphany here. He may become my new obsession... I'll let you know.

So, I saw this little video over at Clever Girl Goes Blog (aka Tia) today and I thought I'd share it with you. Make sure you're in an area where repeated squealing won't cause disruption to your coworkers, neighbors, sleeping spouses, or sleeping puppies. I squealed at least twice while watching it. Don't say I didn't warn you.... and then tell me what you think about it! I am so excited I could pee my pants. I'll try to control myself...

Here is your weekly dose of hotties. Guys, I'd like your feedback on the girls I've chosen for you. Let me know how I'm doing. I'm trying to keep them pertinent to the subject matter at hand. This is Anna Paquin who plays Sookie Stackhouse in True Blood. I think she does a pretty good job... and the sex scenes she does are Hawt!

The one on the left is Sabina Kelley. She was a suggestion from my brother and although I'd never heard of her before, she looks pretty hot. Hopefully she meets at least one of your boys' approval! If not, let me know. I'm totally open to feedback.


P.S. My frined Candace from Sarcastically Bitter is coming to Salt Lake City to visit the crew. I'm sooo excited. You can be sure there will be much blogging to come from those shenanigans.