Damn Dog

I was nominated to dog-sit this weekend... and I'm not happy about it. My grandma and grandpa were invited to go down to St. George to stay with some friends of theirs that they haven't seen in a long time. The thing is, they haven't gone out of town since before my grandpa got sick four years ago! And, since then, they acquired the freakin' dog. It was my mom and my aunt's idea to get them the dog, and I think they should be punished for it. The freakin' dog rules my grandparents' lives. The dog's name is Cheech, and he is a Chihuahua. He's also a hermaphrodite... yes, you heard me correctly, it's a "shim." When they got him, he had to be spayed and neutered. Granted, his testicles were embryonic, but he's still a shim. More of a male than a female because he has what my grandma refers to as a "pecker" or a "dookle". I have no idea where the word "dookle" came from, but it cracks me up. My grandma thought a vajayjay was called a "mussentouchit" until she was a teenager, if that tells you anything. Anyway, I'm stuck dog-sitting for an animal that drives me nuts. He's neurotic. And I get to keep him company all weekend. God forbid they'd put him in a kennel to board him... I was told by my grandma that she absolutely just couldn't do that to him. He sleeps with them every night under the covers and she just doesn't think he'd make it. I want to take him there and leave him for one night to see what happens. I'm not quite that mean... at least I don't think so. Everyone keeps asking me why I just don't bring him over to my house. The answer is because the damn dog isn't technically potty-trained. He pees and poops on piddle pads that are around the house. The reason being, he can't be let outside to go at night because there are raccoons in the neighborhood and my grandma is afraid they'd eat him. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad???? Anyway, I'm off to go chill with the dog so he doesn't have a panic attack and die. I'll be back soon... I hope!